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split with Cloud Rat

by republic of dreams

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1.
This is truth with a capital T, life in the tedious details of reality, endless struggles in the tiresome embrace of companionship. This is happiness in its toughest form (hard to find, impossible to destroy). This is fulfilment that doesn't always feel like it. And I love it! I love every second of it. --Some love songs are worth singing.
2.
Always this non-committal balance. Oh, my lukewarm haven (of level-headedness)! Oh, you self-inflicted prison! - No risk, no passion, no life? Yes, but where's the fucking exit?! --Trying to look from different perspectives at every situation before coming to a conclusion is a good thing. If done consequentially, though, it leaves no room for impulsive decisions and their unknown (and therefore intriguing) results. I haven't found an easy escape from that dilemma yet.
3.
Is this your intellectual version of comparing dick sizes? Sorry, man, I'm not impressed by your act. Your games of cynicism don't get us anywhere. --Machismo comes in many different forms. One of them is an inconsiderate self-righteousness in (political) discussions that can be witnessed in supposedly progressive sub-cultures – putting aside the fact that it's usually only men discussing (or shouting the loudest). I can only believe in someone's progressive ambitions when they are not displayed by finding the mistakes in others' opinions but by questioning one's own perspectives, habits and judgements every single day.
4.
I got caught in the trap of logic. It flooded me with reason and wrapped me in structures ... and meaning has left the building. Yes, indeed, that's the curse my dear: (I) hail blindness. Please don't hesitate, don't save me! Because I love to hate the desert that's my soul. -- There's that schizophrenic streak in me that makes me excessively compassionate and strangely callous at the same time. While that certain level of numbness scares me and makes me lose trust in myself, it sometimes also helps me maintain my sanity. What to make of it?
5.
Emma didn't say you could change the world by dancing. It's not that easy. Change comes by changing. --It's true that in order to be lasting any more or less revolutionary change in our lives needs to provide us with joy and fulfilment. Only making and/or listening to a somewhat different kind of music doesn't make any difference, though, except for your individual Saturday night entertainment. Don't forget to take what you find there and apply it to the rest of your time. This might not change the world, but it will change you. If nothing else, that's a good start.
6.
… --It's not very hard being altruistic when everything's doozy. But not being an asshole when you're feeling desolate or weak can be a challenge, especially with people whom you know well and who won't turn their backs on you too fast. Swallow your pride and understand that these people deserve your best even when you feel worst.
7.
Your rationality is a blind faith in models that were never meant to justify what you justify (day in day out). Your 'invisible hand' is a force of regression (taking from the many, giving to the few). Your 'trickle down' is (drop by drop) killing people. Can you still believe all that nonsense? --Although the academic field is offering more refined economic theories, western 'realpolitik' follows an almost unquestioned belief in simplifying economic models - models that are often based on fundamentally flawed assumptions about what makes us humans tick. 'Free market' and 'GDP growth' have become irreplaceable dogmas even when working with developing countries. It is so obvious that such a blindfolded approach is doing more harm than good. How do people working for development institutions like the World Bank deal with this antagonism? Do they really think they are among the good guys? Do they just not care?

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released May 15, 2013

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republic of dreams Earth, Texas

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